I'm exhausted and dying to reach my bed, but something is eating me from the inside and I can't sleep before I write it out.

I am so pissed off at my mothers boyfriend. I'm mad at my mother. And I'm extremely jealous.
I am so happy that my mother is happy. She has waited a long time to be happy again, and I am so glad that this guy Jay gives her that, but when she starts QUOTING him to me. Giving me HIS thoughts, HIS feelings.... it's a bit much.
She left us here, left me carrying on family responsibilities in teh face of graduating high school, left me to support my father and be there for my brother. She stopped calling all the time and writing when she met HIM. THEY talk 3 times a day. She calls us on Sundays. I haven't gotten an email in months. THEY argue. She quotes, I say again, HIM. What happened to her? My mother? What happened to her being a MOTHER? Has he forgotten his family in this strange twist of fate? I doubt it. She got rid of the responsibility and now she's acting like a teenager in love. He sounds nice, even great - romantic, caring, intelligent.. but I doubt I'll want to meet him any time soon for the simple fact that I feel second rate next to him. I never thought this could ever be true, but right now I think she'd have trouble choosing me over him. And that makes me mad. I miss my mother. All day I wanted, needed to talk to her and she noticed nothing. I hinted, I gestured. I wanter her to, for 10 minutes, stop talking to her friend and hugging my brother and come in and talk to me, just me. I know she was tired, but she's known me for 18 years and when I really need to talk she can't stop quoting her fucking boyfriend. I know it's not fair of me to demand, but this was supposed to be MY TIME. I'm fucking graduating high school and I'm supposed to be the center of attention for 24 hours. That's all I asked for... Only my dad is being a complete angel. Every day he's been asking me how I am and giving me little hugs. He's noticed that although I'm happy, there's something different. I think he knows. My dirty little secret, that is. My deepest fear. He's really supporting me now and I know he's so proud of me, but what I need is for my mother to do the same. It's hard being grown-up and I wanted always to retain some measure of childhood with my parents, the feeling that a hug from them is like a bandage that will cure any ailment. That I am safe from them and can depend on them. Right now I can depend on my mother to quote Jay.

I feel so selfish... but I still feel so upset. The more I tell myself to grow up, the deeper I fall in to this feeling. I have to tell her but I don't know how. How do I tell my mother that I want to talk to, hug, love my MOTHER, not a friend in love?

GROW UP MOM.