Dear blog reader

never assume something. never assume it won't hurt. and most of all, never assume you don't love someone enough. Throughout my whole life, I always assumed that my mother would send me off into the world- to university. But never did I realise how much it might hurt. Because at 6 am this morning I sent my mother out in to the world. I don't live mith my mother any more. And it hurts. Oh how it hurts. It's now 6.21 and the tears mean I can't see the keyboard, but it's my hope that at 7 I'll be able to present a decent face. And that by tomorrow, I'll have accepted what I thought I had accepted 3 months ago. But now, for one whole half an hour, I have something more to cry over than spilt milk. She's only going to be a phone call away... but I still feel like I'm left with no mother. I have to be more responsible- both for my brother and my father. And I don't want to be. I don't want to worry about dinner, and do the laundry, and organise when the cleaning lady comes. I don't want to have to shop on my own. I don't want to have to keep the list of shopping. I don't want to be home every day to make sure the cat has been fed. i don't think I can. i don't want to be a mother. i don't want to have to fill her oh so empty shoes. but mostly, i'm really going to miss my mother. and that is one fact I never thought possible. 6.28. here's to the loneliest 32 minutes of my life.