My heart is hurting today.

I feel that leaving Tallinn is an end to my life without it ending. It's not negative, but it's sad. I'm moving to a different country and yes, that is partly the reason for my heartache.
More it's that recent events have reminded me of a certain Someone. Someone that was once very special to me. I don't think I really told many people how it ended, and it ended twice. It was a long distance thing and we had discussed that if either of us found someone else, we would tell each other. I knew for three weeks before he told me. He was distant, he was unresponsive. He didn't call. When I asked and he told me - an old friend and it was serious. I.... was relieved, sad but relieved. He seemed to be really sorry about hurting me and maybe for losing me. His feelings made it easier for me but even though we stopped talking (he seemed to find it difficult), I didn't stop thinking about him. I couldn't. I had daydreams about seeing him in London one day... about what would happen. What we would say. It was really really hard and I didn't find anything or anyone else to take my mind off him... there was no one like him.
We didn't talk for 3 months until I sent him an email for his birthday... and it turned out that he and the friend hadn't worked out. Something started again but a lot of the trust and the positive feelings were gone. It was hard work and though I knew it wouldn't last, I just couldn't seem to let go. I had started a lie by accident that I couldn't get rid of and it festered until my birthday. I decided it was time to tell him and as there was no trust between us, it destroyed what was left. He was distraught; I had built myself up against the outcome that was as I projected. His last words to me were "We have to talk about this." I later found out through a friend that he was still angry at me. Probably still is. I thought we could have been friends. It ended without ending and that makes me sad... he was a very good man. A very good man indeed.