Well. I find myself in an awkward position again.

Growing up I was surrounded by diplomatic families who would move every 2-3 years, meaning that my friendships usually didn't last past this time. This has created a rather vicious circle - after this time period I find myself needing to shed all the old and start fresh. I've had two months of time to myself and have developed a new lifestyle which isn't built around old friendships and old habits. I've realised that I'm actually subconsciously attempting to create large rifts between myself and my friends to make the separation easier. Now I only want to communicate with those who haven't known me for long or with those who haven't witnessed the day-to-day banalities of my every day life - more and more I find speaking difficult around those who are already familiar with my stories - I have to force myself to discover new beautiful things in the smaller issues we discuss now.
If I followed my instinct, I'd flee in to new surroundings, cut myself off from everyone and create a new group. For instance, yesterday I realised I had missed a deadline for re-registration to university and I welcomed it as it gave me opportunity to contemplate ideas of moving to the US or moving to... Australia. Getting away.
I feel like I'm being slowly suffocated by old familiar surroundings.

Why do I feel this so often? Why when throughout childhood I hated the life, only wanting my friends to stay near? To stop moving?

To be ME I have to keep all my layers intact. Remember friends old and new, fit them all in to my life, expand my circle of concentration. I'm trying to fight the circle but how much energy can I afford to put towards the effort without losing the fight in other areas of my life?

I'm stretched a little thin. And when I want the bloody people I'm fighting for to answer the phone they never do.