Oh my darlings...
If you were in London on the 7th of July like I was, you might know how I feel.
I feel so guilty being scared by it all - guilty that I was panicked when I thought of the fact that I was in a tube train when the first bomb blew. Guilty that I thought that I could have been coming from Liverpool St (as planned at one point). I feel guilty that I am here well, that all my friends are well, are alive. Accounted for.
And so grateful.
And still so scared.

I took a train to work today and it was worse than yesterday as you could FEEL the aftermath. Feel the threat. Feel the horror. Feel the fear.

However the evening of the 7th of July, 2005 as over a million Londoners walked home from work we were united. Everyone knew the situation. Everyone was relatively calm, taking it in stride. Everyone had a purpose. To go home, to contact the final friends you had missed. To sit down and breathe.

At work today, we were offered breakfast and lunch in the office as we were still recommended to stay indoors. Yesterday where we tried to lift each others spirits, today we were exhausted. Today we felt it. No more news, no more speculation. Each hour confused with the next. Though we felt so far away, we were only across the river. A 15 minute walk. At 4 pm, an hour before the end of the day, a colleague was called down to reception and 5 minutes later returned with a massive chocolate cake. The smiles, the joy of a piece of chocolate to forget the worries of 24 hours for a while. I never thought I would be so near a terrorist attack but I was. And though I did not sustain physical injuries, my heart is bleeding.

My heart goes out to those who are still missing friends and family and to those who have been lost. This ordeal will not be over for some weeks until the final tunnels are cleared and services are back to normal - yet we will not forget. Those who have died will be in the hearts of every Londoner and on our minds for a very long time to come. I wonder - how long will sirens make my heart stop, skipping several beats in terror?

Today, I travelled for you. Scared shitless, my heart fighting my brain, I did it because we have to show we will not be deterred.

I am a Londoner - and we choose to live and stand tall doing so.