Ok - listen to something.

I have a big ass. I hate most pictures of me because they make me appear to have four chins. I have a good personality. I know how to love and I like to pass it around. I can tell good people from people who need some work. People (read MEN) tell me they can't understand how I'm not dating anyone. I mean, bc I'm far from horrendous and my lovely personality sells me. But they never ask me out. Despicable, if you ask me.

On the other side, I know I'm scaring men off. I'm giving them a look that says: Come hither and die. Obviously. I play games and am scared of being honest with them in case I lose my edge. In case they see that yes, occasionally I'm blond as blond can be and that I can't lift my own suitcases without wincing. I need to lose half my ass and I really need to stop wearing black. I have to realise my worth. I have to stop yelling out my worth as protection. I need to stop telling myself I'm worth more than I am to protect myself. I'm worth a lot, but there are better people than I. A few.
I need to pull a lot of my friends in to my real life. I need to take them out of the context I met them in and actually have them meet my other friends. I need people to stop looking at me with boredom every time I recount a story because they don't know who the people are who I'm talking about.
I need to get over the guilt of my past. What's done is done. I can't change it. I'm sorry.
I need to stop hiding my lack of confidence. I turn to putty when it comes to ordering at a bar. I don't like strangers. Especially male strangers.
I need to stop grabbing hold of those closest to me. No one can hold me up but myself and if I can't enjoy my own company and learn how to steer the ship, then I'm sunk. I can't sink... it's not an option.
I need to learn how to be punctual.
I need to learn to tell people how important they are to me. Cuz you are.
I need to go to sleep. Because tomorrow will be a long day.

I think I think too much.

Hugs from my sofa,

Heili