hello my dears

it's been such a long week. anyway, a pretty good week all in all. I feel like starting to wrap presents and shop for little things... if only the jetlag weren't so bad. It's unbelievable, but hit 5 pm and I'm dying from exhaustion... then once I get used to the sagging eyelids and being unable to lift my limbs I manage to pull through until night.

I want to find little presents for my cousins Emily and Christina. Something small... but something a 10 and 7 year old will want. Those girls are just the CUTEST girls ever. I love finally having cousins who are younger than I am and look up to me... although my older cousins also find most things I get up to unbelievable. I guess I'm the only one in the family so far who can't imagine just moving in with my boyfriend and having kids. And being happy that way. I need to indulge my own interests as much as indulge those of a family. Personally, I feel I can handle both. My mom has been talking to me about my feelings about feeling so old (read mature?) and young at the same time. She calls me an old soul... and I guess I am. I've spoken to lot's of people about it... but I don't think anyone understands my situation, much as I probably can't understand theirs. Some things you just can't understand until you've been there.
All I can say is that there have been some relevations these past months, even these past days. I've learned that a lot of things aren't easy to talk about - so I don't. I used to think that I needed to speak my thoughts and ideas to order them in my head... but it's not true any more. I've learned to communicate with myself THROUGH myself and it's good at the moment. And another thing - I've realised everything happens for a reason. Some of you may not agree... but there's few ways to explain the good and the bad that can happen to one person. I believe that everything happens and eventually I will understand the reason why. I don't know if there's one thing that decides what happens to who and why... but I don't care. The world turns and we don't know how or why it began to do so.

I guess I should start to finish up. My mother is ill and I have things to do around the apartment. Also, tomorrow I have to look fabulously fresh and gorgeous - should go fill out some paperwork for work!
Hope to talk to Peter this week and catch up with what he's doing. He's working too and if he's working in DC maybe I can see him next week - would love that! Haven't seen him in a year!!!!