Sometimes I wonder whether I am the only person left who tries to see beauty in things. It bothers me no end how people can look at an old building and not see it, but only it's decrepid posterior. Sometimes you have to look at the molding, or the curve of the veranda, or the decoration on the windows and you can visualise the glory that the house once was. It is called the majestic rise and fall of a house.

The same thing applies to people. It applies to me. What if I'm the only person left who can envision the beauty that once lay within? In my short 18 years I have seen, the the last minute detail, the rise and fall of me. Luckily, life has many bright spots and this last fall was only one of many yet to come, however when I see myself now, I see a black spot. I'm a bubble. A covering of a hole. I have no interests, I shine at nothing. I'm such an insecure person because I DO have many good attributes, yet have never been told so. I find it very difficult to tell myself something and believe it simply based on my own belief that it is so. AND AT THE SAME TIME, I feel so self-confident. I AM self-confident at times. A lot of the time.

GRR. It's no use. I feel unattractive and stupid.
And at the same time, I looked so fucking good today.