Have determined saying nothing is definitely not a bad idea, however am now saying something, so completely ruin previous determination to remain silent.

What happens if you've discovered that you find it difficult to draw the line between friendship and... something more? My line is distinctly blurred at the moment, and to make the situation even more complicated, it seems I have completely lost my ability to understand the signals men are sending my way. Maybe it's just wishful thinking..... it probably is. But lord how irritating it is!!! When I look at all the happy couples it pisses me off knowing I'm gutless, too afraid to risk friendships because of a simple misunderstanding. Who the fuck invented "signals". It was a disastrous idea - they should be sued. For gods sake, I feel unlikeable enough as it is, just tell me. make my day. we'll work something out.

In other news, Heili took her vague interest in horoscopes to another level today and not only read her 2004 horoscope, but also her 2004 Love horoscope, looked in to her Numerology profile and also looked in to palm reading again. She might add that she's becoming quite proficient at it. In fact, tonight she will try to find her tarot cards and see what comes. She managed to compare her sign to those of various friends, and she will only reveal that a few friends should appreciate her more!
She also no longer feels bad about being shallow, because it seems that the Sagittarius approach to money is rather similar to hers, therefore, she can do nothing. Money is of no importance, yet if it takes her to where she wants to go, then she will earn as much as it takes. Travel and good living costs money. Maybe if she buys a boat.... then all she has to pay for is the petrol. and of course the crew.... oh Dear, she fears it's already a little business. Heili is not the el capitan type. She prefers to loll on the deck and try to roast her naturally fair skin a delicate shade of tan. Unfortunately, she usually only manges a vivid shade of lobster red which then proceeds to return to it's original shade of pale.

Ok, it's an hour and a half later and I can't remember why I started referring to myself in the 3rd person. Hmm...

Ok, got other things to do now. I'm not even going to bother ending this with a bang. The evening isn't worth it.

heili