weeell. i wrote a positive entry too soon.

i didn't get in to Glasgow. I know that it's only my first reply, but as it was my first choice and my first reply in general, I'm a little upset. I wonder if I made he right choices. too late to regret now.

I also watched Schindlers list tonight. I had never had the guts to watch it before, but tonight it was on and... well... the long and short, I cried mercilessly. It only served to remind me of my great grand-father.
He was one of the gentleman types. Didn't work, wore white gloves and walked with a stick. He lived in Poland in the 30's and 40's while my great-grandmother, grandmother and great-aunt lived in Tallinn. When the war broke out, the three were sent to Germany. He stayed in Poland, and we think he was dealing in firearms that he was sending to Estonia illegally. The theory is that he was captured by the Germans and killed. It pains me a little that I, living in such a modern world, was too affected by the war and the atrocities depicted in the movie. I don't even have a picture of him. They all burned when the apartment my grandmother and her family left behind was bombed.
My aunt has often told me the story of the night they fled. My great-grandmother had allowed them to take one personal thing each. My aunt, Dagi, took a picture album, but to this very day she regrets not taking her peach coloured ball gown from the top of the closet. It was brand new and she had been planning to wear it at the end of the month. My own grandmother took a feather blanket, which she rolled in to a small roll and carried with her wherever she went. I use that same blanket now, and I can only imagine how warm and comforting it must have been when she was scared and lonely.

In fact, right now, I'm feeling a little scared, and I'm feeling as if I could use some company. Things took a slight downturn this evening, and though I'll be better by the morning, right now I need a little lighthearted conversation and my feather blanket.