I'm no longer afraid to disappoint myself, but to disappoint others is something i find difficult. This just suddenly came to me. It explains my grades, my lack of care towards school in general... it explains a lot. I guess I've disappointed myself and close ones so often tht..... that it just doesn't matter any more. I guess it stings, yes... but I'm used to being stung. But to let other people see my weak spots would be the tip of the iceberg, a point which even my low... self-..... something ... won't let me reach yet. So yes.... all my projects must turn out well, or there is going to be no more tip ahead of me, just blue sky. or will it be raining? fuck.... don't like that idea.