Wow. I just read the blog of a guy who is making a website about blogging, or weblogging, to the uninitiated. It's amazing... I really started to think about it. To give you an idea: think of the tens of tousands of people who post things on the internet every day. And of the tens of thousands who post their life on the internet, giving people the off-chance to see something through their eyes?
I'm logging something - and I feel like Captain Piccard, of the starship Enterprise. I'm leaving an account of something for others to find, to comment... to discover. Wow. I won't be forgotten... well, not too soon. As long as this thing is here, something exists to prove I existed. Theoretically. I'm just a gal with a computer, punching away at my keyboard, typing what I think. Some of you may say, what a stupid thing to do. And others may say- wow. I want to do that too.


I suddenly feel like this place, my little scrapbook, has a greater meaning. I mean, all 4 of my readers know what I think. And how I think it. I rarely let others read what I write, fearing slightly what they might think. But yet here I am, writing, posting and publishing something millions of people have access to. Gees.... am i crazy or just simply stupid?
So I'm sitting here listening to Gustav Mahlers 5th symphony, typing my heart out. And here's what came. The excerpt from my favorite book. And the only thing that has really, really, really made me cry for someone else, not knowing them, knowing they probably don't exist. For the first time, I wept for an idea. I wept for love and its abandon. :




"I am going to sit here with you by the river. If you go home to sleep, I will sleep in front of your house. And if you go away, I will follow you - until you tell me to go away. Then I'll leave. But I have to love you for the rest of my life." - From "Bye The River Piedra, I Sat Down and Wept", by Paolo Coelho.


i HAVe to love you. I am forced to. I can't help but love you. *sob sob* weep weep* Am I a hopeless romantic? Because if believing that one day, I too can love with such reckless abandon, and believing that one day, somewhere, some way, some time, someone will love me jsut so.... is hopelessly romantic? I hope so then. Because being just hopeless leaves nothing left for life to throw in your path. You're already so jaded against everything that nothing is new.


A friend did something very, very ugly to me today. I don't know why my friend did it. And I am finding it hard to forget. I feel like I just lost a friend, and it hurts sooooo much, because I can count on one hand my best friends, and there went a finger. We will still talk, and meet, and joke... but one can never undo the damage. Forgive and forget is asking quite a lot of someone. I think back to when I may have done something like this, and I feel ashamed at how I could have wasted the trust placed in me. I hope I haven't done it, but if I have... I'm sorry. I thought my friend was worthy of my trust... and it seems I was wrong. If someone has ever felt that way about me........ I hang my head in shame, because I feel betrayed. And I'm sorry.


on this sad note... i realise i haven't really updated you on my life, whish is kind of what you're all here for. Well... you're realised I'm a miserably romantic cow, who over-reacts and exaggerates everything... but then again, you already knew that. And it's one of the reasons you love me so much.
I'm leaving soon you know... 4 days. But I'll be updating this, and... you'll find out what's going on. With Me, with life, with OUR (tuuli and MEMEMEMEME) trip. But until tomorrow, my little Kindern. Heili is tired and is going to bed.


btw- men are dogs. But I love pets.